On August 11, 2010 my life completely changed with just a few words "I can't find a heartbeat." All I could say was "no". I didn't want this to be my future. I didn't want this to be a part of the rest of my life. I didn't want to have to grieve for the rest of my life. The feeling of my future was exhausting and scary. It was not part of "My Plan". How could I lose my baby when he was in the safest place in the world? How could I have failed my baby when all I had to do was take care of him? This was supposed to be the part of having a child thats easy and carefree and joyful, why is it now my worst nightmare? I went through all these thoughts in those split seconds after hearing that my baby's heartbeat could not be found. All I could think was no, this is not true, this is not my future.
This is my future, and my present, and its become my past. My son was stillborn.
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